Funny Hindi SMS

1 khwab ,1 pyar ,1 haqiqat ho tum .
Dosti me padnewali har zaroorat ho tum.
Jisko roj itne SMS karnepade,woh musibat ho tum.
`
Ab Aur Manzil Pane Ki Hasrat Nahi
Kisi Ki Yaad Me Mar Jane Ki Fitrat Nahi
Aap Jese Dost Jabse Mile
Kisi Aur Ko Dost Banane Ki Jarurat Nahi
`
Kuch dost palbhar me bhula diye jate hai
kuch dost pal-pal yad aate hai
hum apse yahi puchna chahte hai
k dosto ki is kataar me hum kaha aate hai
`
KHUSHI se dil ko aabad karna
GAM ko dil se aazad karna
Bas itni gujaarish hai aapse ki
ho sake to din mein ek baar yaad jaroor karna
`
Zindagi zakhmo se bhari hai,
waqt ko marham banana seekh lo.
Harna toh hai hi maut ke hatho ek din,
Filhaal zindagi ko jeena seekh lo
`
Har yado me usi ki yad rehti hai.
Meri ankho ko usi ki talash rhti hai.
kuch tum b dua kro yaro.
Suna hai dosto ki dua me farishto ki fariyad hoti hai…
`
Khusiyo ka ek sansaar leke ayenge,
Patjhar mein bhi bhar leke ayenge,
Jab bhi pukarenge aap pyaar se,
Zindgi se saansen udhar leke ayenge…
`
Thoda socha hai humne …
thoda jaana hai humne…
Mushkil se magar pehchana hai humne…
Koi aap jaisa na tha na hoga…
isliye dost aapko mana hai humne
`
Lamhe ye Suhane saath ho na ho,
Kal me aaj jaisi koi baat ho na ho,
Aapki dosti hamesha is DIL me rahegi,
Chahe kabhi mulakat ho na ho.
`
Itni dosti naa karo ki bigad jaye hum.
thoda danta bhi karo ki sudhar jaye hum.
ho jaye gar humse koi khata to ho jana khafa,
magar itna bhi nahi k mar hi jaye hum.
`
ZAMANE KI HAR JANNAT TUMHARI HOGI
YE AASMAAN YE ZAMI TUMHARI HOGI
MUJHSE KEH BHI NA PAOGE USKE PEHLE
MERE HISSE KI HAR KHUSHI TUMHARI HOGI
`
bikhri ankhon se moti hum piro na sake teri yaad me sari raat so na sake
beh na jaye ansuon me tasvir ye soch kar
hum ro na sake
`
Gum ki aahat bhi na aaye tere dar par,
pyar ka samunder ka tu bhi ek kinara ho,
kabhi bhool se jo tapke teri aankh se moti,
thame wohi jo tujhe sab se pyara ho !!!
`
Kisi mor pe ham ap ko khoney nahi denge..
Juda hona chaho to honey nahi denge…
Chandni raton man aye gi meri yad…
Meri yad ke wo pal ap ko soney nahi denge
`
Bhulana tumhe na asaan hoga jo bhule tumhe wo nadan hoga aap to baste ho ruh me hamari, bus aap hame na bhulana ye aapka ehsaan hoga.
`
aaj door se hi koi salaam kar gaya,
apni yadon ka gulaam kar gaya ,
apni zingagi girvi rakhi thi jiske paas,
aaj wohi hume nilaam kar gaye……..
`
Khuda ke Ghar se Kuch Gadhe farar hogaye
kuch to pakde gaye
kuch hamare yaar hogaye…

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Hindi Jokes SMS

Pappu ek party mein gaya aur waha usne 8 butter naan kha liye.
Kuch der baad toilet mein pet pakad ke ro raha tha bhagwan se request kar raha tha ki, Hey bhagwan ya toh jaan nikal de ya naan nikal de!”
`
Ek larka apni girlfriend se milne gaya, kuch baat ke baad uski
girlfirend chaye(tea) banane ke liye kitchen chali gayi.
Girlfriend ka mobile sofay pe dekh kar larky ne socha ke
chalo dekhte hai mera number iss ne kis naam se save kya hai?

Dear, sweetu ya jaanu.
Jab usne misscall di toh screen pe likh raha tha “Murgha No.5? Calling”.

Cute Hindi SMS Jokes

Pyar Ki Gadi me kabhi petrol nahi hota,
pyar k safarme kabhi panchar nahi hota.
Pyar jivan ki aisi gadi hai jisme
2 se jayada passenger nahi hota
`
Namaskar!
Apki Dosti ki Battery Low Ho Rahi Hai,
Kripya Aap 3 SMS KARKE TURANT RECHARGE KARE!
FROM:
DSNL
(Dosti Sanchar Nigam Ltd.)
`
Arz kiya hai,
Tu gaya uski gali main,
Tu gaya uski gali main,
Bola dil se dil laga Lo,
Jab dekha uski mummy ko to bola,
“Jute chappal” thik karva Lo.
`
AJ kal ladkiyo ke kapde
yaha se less waha se less,
kabhi sleevless to kabhi backless
or koi ladka ghur k dekhe to-
“Oh How Mannerless” !!

Haste raho…

Santa: Itne kam marks? Do thappad marne chahiye.

Pappu: Haan papa, chalo maine us saale master ka ghar bhi dekh rakha hai.

Banta: Oye, tu to Doctor ke paas jaane waala tha, kya hua?

Santa: Yaar kal jaaonga, aaj thodi tabiyat kharab hai.

Banta: Yeh AUTOMATICALLY kya hota hai?

Santa: Oye tujhe yeh bhi nahin pata, Jab auto mein koi ganji ladki ja rahi ho to use kehte hain AUTO-ME-TAKLI

Santa: Agar tumhe kuch ho gaya to mein Pagal ho jaaunga.

Jeeto: Doosri shaadi to nahin karogey?

Santa: Pagal ka kya hai, kuch bhi kar sakta hai

Napoleon: There is no such word as ‘Impossible’ in my dictionary.

Santa: To dictionary dekh kar kharidni thi …!

Tourist: Whose skeleton is that?

Santa: Tipu’s skeleton.

Tourist: Whose that smaller skeleton next to it?

Santa: That was Tipu’s skeleton when he was child

Sadhu: Bachcha teri biwi ko chuddail chipak gayee hai. Upaaye karvaao.

Banta: Upayaye? Baba, agar do behenein gale mil rahi hain to is mein harz hi kya hai ?

Banta: Yaar teri wife ki maut ka bara afsos hua, vaise hua kya tha?

Sant: Goli lagi thi mathe main.

Banta: Waheguru ji ka shukar kar ke aankh bach gayi.

Captain of Military: Naujawanon aage bado

Santa aage nahin bada

Captain: Tum aage kyun nahin bade?

Santa: Apne kaha 9 jawanon aage bado, mein 10ve number pe tha

Santa was getting bitten by mosquitoes the whole night. He got

irritated… drank poison & said,

Ab kaato saalon, sab maroge!

Museum Administrator: That’s a 500-year-old statue u’ve broken.

Banta: Thanks God! I thought it was a new one.

Banta: Yeh chaaku kyon ubaal rahe ho?

Santa: Suicide karne ke liye

Banta: To phir ubalne kui kya zaroorat hai?

Santa: Kahin infection na ho jaaye

Santa: Raat film main ek chudail kabhi mere aage, khabhi mere peechhe ghoom rahi thi…

Jeeto: Koun si film thi ?

Santa: Apni shaadi ki movie thi !

Santa: Doc saab, mein Chashma laga ke pad to sakoonga?

Doc: Haan, bilkul.

Santa: To phir theek hai doc saab varna Anpad aadmi ki zindagi bhi koi zindagi hai.
Santa was busy in removing a wheel from auto, Banta asks: Y r u removing a

wheel from ur auto?

Santa: Can’t u read ‘Parking for two wheelers only

Hindi Jokes & SMS

Dekha tujhe to rooh khush ho gayi,
Ek kami thi vo bhi puri ho gayi,
Pagal hain vo log jo kehte hain ki,
Chimpanzi ki aakhri nasal kahin kho gayi!!

************ ********* ********* ********* *****

Mere Dil, Jiger, Kidney, Liver ho tum
waqt-bewaqt aaye vo fever ho tum
Doob kar jisme marr jaoo vo River ho tum
Mere jeevan mein ab to forever ho tum?

************ ********* ********* ********* *****

Shaam hote hi ye Dil udaas hota hai
Toote khwaboo ke siwa kuch na pass hota hai
Tumahri yaad aise waqt bohat aati hai
Bandar jab koi aas-paas hota hai..

************ ********* ********* ********* *****

Vo aaj bhi hume dekh kar muskurate hain
Vo aaj bhi hume dekh kar muskurate hain
Yeh to unke bachche hee kaminey hain,
Jo Mama Mama kehke bulaate hain

************ ********* ********* ********* *****

Ek ladki thi diwani si, sunder si lambi si,
Nazrein jhukake sharmake galion se guzra karti thi
latak matak chalti thi, aur kaha karti thi,
Bartan Lelo Bartan?.

************ ********* ********* ********* *****

Woh hamari gali me aaye?
Woh hamari gali me aaye?
Woh hamari gali me aaye?
Aur chillake bole?..
Paper Raddi wala !!!!!

************ ********* ********* ********* *****

Apni Surat ka kabhi to didaar de
tadap raha hu kabhi to apna pyaar de
Apni awaaz nahi sunani to mat suna
Kam se kam 1 Missed call hee maar de

************ ********* ********* ********* *****

jab tum angdayi leti ho tho mera dum nikal jata hai
jab tum angdayi leti ho tho mera dum nikal jata hai
arey thoda deodrant lagane main tera kya jata hai

************ ********* ********* ********* *****

Teray husn ki kya taarif karoo, tera bander jaisa hai moo
Teri zulfo ki kya taarif karoo, teray ek ek baal pe hai joo

************ ********* ********* ********* *****

Hathi nay kaha ja kar hathni ki kabar per
Sadqey jaoon tumhari patli kamar per ?

Chaand ko garoor hai ki uske paas noor hai, to kya hua?. Mujhe bhi garoor hai ki mera Dost Langoor hai!
************ ***

Taza hawa ka jhoka aaya.. Khushbu teri sath laya?Phir mere dil me khayal aaya?Ke lagta hay ki?Aaj bhi tu.. Nahi ?NAHAYA?

************ ***

Apun 1 sher bolega, Choro Taraf Chand faakrela hai light, Boleto ho gayeli hai nighat, Band karne ka tube light, Aur soneka tight, Boleto, Bye Good Night..

************ ***

Abe o burai ke resgulle, Pap ki berfi , Bewafa ke laddu, Matlabi chuski,Badmashi ke pedhe, Jhoot ke kalakand.. Tu bada hi sweet hai re..

************ ***

Arz kya hai: Bahaar aane se pehle fiza aa gayi, ki bahaar aane se pahle fiza aa gayi, aur phool khilne se pahle?.bakri kha gayi..

************ ***
Kya aap.. Colse Up karte hain..? Kya aap Confidence se Chalte hai..! Kya aap Penalty Bharte hai?! ?MOBILE? k bill se derte hai..! To aap SMS kyuo nahi karte hai..!

************ ***

Tum Haste Raho, O Haste Raho, O Haste Raho, O Haste Raho, Muskarate Raho, Sada Khilkhilate Raho, Khush Raho, Mera Kya Hain, Log Tumhian hi! Paagal Kahenge! Ha Ha Ha!

************ ***

Bazu 0 me dam rakhta hun, Dil me gam rakhta hun, Aapki dosti k baad logo se wasta kam rakhta hun, Pata tha mujhe SMS aayega. Isliye disprin sath rakhta hun!

************ ***

Zindagi jaise ek saza si ho gayi hai, gamm ke saagar me is kadar kho gayi hai, tum kar do ek SMS yeh guzarish hai meri, tumari SMS ki adat si ho gayi hai.

************ ***

Jis mehfil mein khare hojai, waha Hrithik bhi jhukta hai, Kaho
Na Pyaar Hai, Kya mooh dukhta hai ? –

************ ***

Tumko dekha to yeh khyaal aaya -Ki Paaglo ke stock mein Naya Maal Aaya –

************ ***
Kaun sa gham hai jo yeh haal bana rakha hai, na to makeup hai, na baalon ko sajaa rakha hai, aur khama-kha cherti rehti hai yeh rukhsaaron ko, Tum ne zulfon ko bohut sar pe chara rakha hai –

************ ***

Jis din se juda vo humse hue, is dil ne dharkna chor diya -hai chaand ka mooh bhi utra utra, taaro ne chamkna chor diya –

************ ***

Kon kehta hai dost ki tumse humari judaai hogi, yeh afwaah zaroor kissi dushman ne uraayi hogi, shaan se rahenge tumahre dil mein hum ne itne dino mein kuch to jagah banayi
hogi-

************ ***

Vo likhte hain humara naam mitti mein -aur mita dete hain, Unke liye ye khel hoga -magar hume to vo mitti mein mila dete hain?-

************ ***

Aap kya jaano hum kitna yaad karte hain, maano ya na maano har pal fariyaad karte hain, Roz khat likhte hain CARTOON NETWORK ko, aur aapko play karne ki maang karte hain?. waaaaahhhhhhhhh. ..

************ ***

yaad mein humne kalam uthaayi, liya paper aur tasveer aapki banayi, socha tha ki usko dil se laga kar rakhenge, magar vo to bacho ko draane ke kaam aayi?

************ ***

Bari asaani se dil lagaye jaate hain, par badi mushkil se waade nibhaye jaate hain, le jaati hai mohabbat un raaho par, jaha diye nahi dil jalaye jaate hain

************ ***

Aap jaise log hume kuch khas lagte hai. mann me har waqt
hum ek aas rakte hai, jaane kab aa jaye sms aapka, is liye cell ko dil ke pass rakte hai.. trinnnn trinnnnn trinnnnn trinnnnnn…

************ ***

Muskura do zara khuda ke vaste, sama-e-mahefil mai roshni kam hai, tum hamare nahi to kya ghum hai, hum tumhare to haiN ye kya kam hai?

************ ***

Aap aik brilliant, beautiful, genius, smart, nice, gud looking, intelligent, respectful, kind, ideal larkay/larki ka sms par rahe ho.

************ ***

Majnu Ko Laila Ka Sms Nahi Aiya..Majnu Ne 3 Din Se Khana Nahi Khaya..Majnu Marne Wala Tha Laila Ke Pyar Mai..Aur Laila Bethi Thi SmS Free Hone Ke Intezar Mai..

************ ***

5 great people: 1.Quaid, woh to ab rahe nahi 2.Wasim Akram, woh kisi kaam ka nahi, 3.Aishwarya Rai, apni pohanch say bahir. Baqi rahe aap aur hum So keep in Touch… rahoge naa ?

************ ***

Har karz dosti ka ada kaun karega? Hum na rahe to dosti kaun karega? E khuda mere doston ko salamat rakhna, Warna meri shaadi mein dance kaun karega?

************ ***

Tere DIL mein rahenge SMS bankar,Dhadkano mein bajenge RINGTONE bankar,Kabhi apne DIL se juda mut Samajana,Hum tere saath chalenge NETWORK bankar!

************ ***

Hum dua karte hain Khuda se, ki wo aap jaisa dost aur na banaye, Ek Cartoon jaisi cheez hai humare paas, kahin wo bhi common na ho jaye!

************ ***

Zindagi behaal hai, Sur hai na taal hai, Msg box bhi kangal hai, kya aapki sms factory me hartal hai, Yaar kuch to bhejo ye meri mobile ki zindagi ka sawaal hai.

************ ***

Unka ashiyana dil mein basa rakha hai, Unki yadon ko seene se laga rakha hai, Pata nahi yaad aate hain wohi kyun, Vaise dost to hamne auron ko bhi bana rakha hai.

************ ***

Dil mein umeedo ki shamma jala rakhi hai, Humne apni alag duniya basa rakhi hai, Is umeed ke saath ki ayega SMS aapka, Humne mobile par nazrein jama rakhi hein.

************ ***

plz dont be angry

Some Hindi Jokes to Refresh Mind

Banta to Doctor : Doctor Sahab! Mein apna dimag daan karna chahta hu.
Doctor : Hoga to hum le lenge .

Son to Dad : Papa, Mein itna bada kab hounga ki mein mummy se bina puche
bahar ja saku?
Papa : Beta abhi itna bada to mein bhi nahi hua!!!

Autowala to Santa : Sahab, 100 rupaye ho gaye.
Santa ne 50 rupaye autowale ko de diye.
Autowala : Sahab ye to gundagardi hai, meter ki hisab se 100 rupaye hue hai.

Santa : Tu bhi to baithkar aaya hai, tera kiraya bhi kya mujhe dena
parega!!!

Ek din Santa ne apni premika ko himmat jutakar keh dala – I love you.
Premika(Gusse se) : Jara pyar se nahi keh sakte?
Santa : I love you Didi!!!!

Girl : Tum ladke kisi bhi ladki me sabse pehle kya dekhte ho?
Boy : Ye to depend karta hai ki ladki aa rahi hai ya ja rahi hai!!

Dur gaon me jab maa baap sote nahi the,
to bacha kehta hai, so ja bapu,
so ja, warna ek aur ho jayega!!!

Girl-to-Boy – Aaye bewafe tune sab kuch saaf kar diya,
mera dil jala kar rakh kar diya
Boy-to-Girl – Aye ladki, teri kurbani bekar nahi jayegi,
bhej de rakh mujhe, bartan manjne ke kaam aayegi.

Pati aur patni ghumne gaye. Raaste me ek gadhe ko ghaas kata
dekh patni ne pati se kaha – Oo G tumhara rishtedaar ghaas
kha raha hai, namaste karo.
Pati – Namaste Sasur Ji

Santa ne Banta se kaha,”Sabse bada challenge kya hai?”
Banta replied – Answer sheet ko khaali chod do aur last me likh dena,
paas karke dikha.

Frog: Tumhare paas dimaag nahin hai.
Bhola: Hai.
Frog: Nahin hai.
Bhola: Hai.
Frog: Nahin hai and jumps into the well.
Bhola: Isme suicide karne waali kya baat thi.?

Teacher : Santa batao `M’ for kya hota hai?
Santa : Sir, Mother!
Teacher : Right! Aab batao W for kya hota hai?
Santa kuch sochne lagta hai
Teacher : Santa kya soch rahe ho?
Santa : Sir, mein yeh soch raha tha ki Maa ulti kaise ho gayi?

Teacher : Santa ye batao tense kitne tarah ke hote hai?
Santa : Teen maidam.
Teacher : Teeno ke ek-ek example batao.
Santa : Madam, meine kal aapki beti ko dekha tha. Aaj mein ussey pyar karta
hu aur kal mein ussey bhaga kar le jaunga.

Hindi Jokes

Santa- “Kal aapne apne bache ko bahut pita|
Aakhir aisi kya baat ho gayi thi usse?”
Banta- “Darhasal do din baad us badmaash ka
result nikalne waala hai aur mai aaj hi ek
mahine ke tour par jaa raha hu|”
*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*
Santa- “Meri patni mera itna khyaal rakhti
hai ki kal mehmaano ke vidaa hone ke baad jab
maine usse kaha ki garam paani ka jaldi praband
kare to usi wakt paani garam kar diya|”
Banta- “Waah! Lekin us samay bechaari ko paani
garam karne ka kasht kyu diya?”
Santa- “Kyuki mai thande paani se bartan
nahi dho sakta tha|”
*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*
Hadbadi me kahi jaate dekhkar ek yuvti
ne apne Doctor pita se poocha- “Kya baat hai
papa? Aap itni jaldi me kaha jaa rahe hai?”
Doctor- “Abhi-abhi ek vyakti ka phone aaya tha,
keh raha tha ki haaye, mai mar jaaunga… turant aa jao|”
Navyuvti ne sharmakar kaha- “Papa…vah…vah
phone aapke liye nahi mere liye tha|”
*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*
Putra- “Pitaji, mai nadi me aage jaaunga|”
Pita- “Nahi, doob jaaoge|”
Putra- “Nahi dooboonga, mujhe tairna aata hai|”
Pita- “Yadi doob gaya to ghar jaakar teri khoob pitai karunga|”
*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*
Achaanak bijli chali gayi to mombattiya jala
di gayi| garmi tej thi| isi beech ek mehmaan
ne kaha- “Bhai, pankhe to chala do|”
Mejbaan ne mudkar badi gambheerta se kaha-
“Pankhe chalane se mombattiya bujh jayengi|”
*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*
Ek lamba tagda bahut hi mota vyakti darji ki
dukaan par pahucha|
Darji ne badi kathinayi se naap lekar haafte hue kaha-
“Janaab, is shervani ki silaai ke sau rupaye honge|”
Mota vyakti- “Parantu tumne Telephone par pachas
rupaye bataye the|”
Darji ne pasine pochte hue kaha- “Ji haan bataye to the,
parantu shervani ke bataye the, shaamiyaane ke nahi|”
*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*
Shikshak- “Maan lo, tum jungle me khade ho,
isi beech sher aa jaye to tum kya karoge?”
Chaatra- “Sir, mai kya karunga? Jo kuch karega,
sher hi karega|”
*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*
Chaatra (ganit ke adhyaapak se)- “Sir, hindi waale
Teacher hindi me bolte hai aur angreji waale
angreji me, phir aap ganit me kyu nahi bolte?”
Adhyaapak- “Chup baith jao, jyaada teen paanch karoge
to claas se nau do gyaarah kar dunga|”
*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*
Putra se naaraaj hote hue pita ne kaha- “Nalaayak!
prem-patra maine bhi khoob likhe the magar…|”
Putra- “Magar kya pitaji?”
Pita- “Teri tarah galat vyaakaran nahi
likha karta tha|”
*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*
Putra- “Pitaji, mere liye dhol kharid dijiye|”
Pita- “Kharid sakta hu, par waada karo ki
tum mujhe pareshaan nahi karoge|”
Putra- “nahi pitaji, mai aapko bilkul pareshaan
nahi karunga| Aapke so jaane ke baad
hi use bajaunga|”
*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*
Ladka- “Mai jo kaam karta hu, apne aapko
usme dubokar karta hu|”
Ladki- “To aap baraya meharbaani
jaakar ek kuaa khodiye|”
*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*
Santa- “Doctor saahab! Suna hai aajkal
saap ke kaatne ka ilaaj ho jaata hai?”
Doctor- “Sabka ilaaj ho jaata hai|”
Santa- “Kuch to aisa jaroor hoga,
jiska ilaaj nahi hai?”
Doctor- “Haan! Aurat ke kaatne ka
koi ilaaj nahi hai|”
*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*
Geeta- “Seeta, meri ghadi kho gayi,
kya tumne kahi dekha hai?”
Seeta- “Nahi, chalti thi ya band thi?”
Geeta-”Chalti thi|”
Seeta- “Tab jaroor kahi chalkar gayi hogi|”
*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*
Beta- “Pitaji, koi aaya hai|”
Pita- “Kaun?”
Beta- “Koi mooch waala hai|”
Pita- “Keh do, nahi chahiye|”
*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*
Premi- “He priye, is baar mai pariksha
me fail hona chaahta hu|”
Premika- “Kyu?”
Premi- “Yadi mai first aaya to pitaji ne mujhe
science dilvaane ko kaha hai, second aaya to commerce
dilvayenge, agar third aaya to arts dilvayenge aur
agar fail ho gaya to tumhaare saath shaadi kar denge|”
*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*
Santa- “Doctor saahab, mujhe barabar yahi sapna
dikhta hai ki mere paas se hokar sundar-sundar
ladkiya teji se bhaag rahi hai|”
Doctor- “Usme mujhse kya chaahte ho?”
Santa- “Aap aisi dava deejiye ki ya to un ladkiyo
ki raftaar kuch kam ho jaye ya meri badh jaye|”
*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*
Mahesh- “Mere bhai ka koi baal baanka
nahi kar sakta|”
Kamal- “Kya vah bahut bahaadur hai?”
Mahesh- “Nahi, vah ganja hai|”
*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*
Judge- “Tum sweekar karte ho ki tumne apni patni
ko peeta hai|”
Abhiyukt- “Ji hujoor! Sweekar karta hu|”
Judge- “Thik hai, tum par pachaas rupaye pachaas paise
jurmaana kiya jaata hai|”
Abhiyukt- “Hujoor, pachaas rupaye to samajh me aaye,
lekin pachaas paise kis baat ke?”
Judge- “Vah manoranjan kar hai|”
*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*
Pita- “Dekho beta, tum kabhi shaadi na karna,
yah baad me bahut badi musibat paida kar deti hai|”
Beta- “Haan pitaji, mai kabhi shaadi nahi
karunga aur yahi shiksha apne bete ko bhi dunga|”
*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*
Chaandni raat ke romantic palo me premika ne kaha-
“Kaash! Agle janam me mai chaand banti!”
Premi- “Aur mai chandrama par utarne waala
pehla antriksh yaatri!”
*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*
Pita- “Bete, tumhaare dadaji ne shaadi ki aur pachtaye,
maine shaadi ki aur pachta raha hu, tum kya karoge?”
Beta- “Ji, vansh parampara nibhaunga| Shaadi karunga
aur phir pachtaunga|”
*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*
Santa- “Suna hai, tumhari patni ko naukri mil gayi?”
Banta- “Haa|”
Santa- “Kaam kya karti hai?”
Banta- “Logo ko chadati-utaarti hai|”
Santa ne hairat se poocha- “Kya…?”
Banta ne baat ki safai ki- “Bus conductor ho gayi hai|”
*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*
Bhikhari (apne bete se)- “Bete, yadi hamari saat
laakh ki lottery khul gayi to sabse pehle makaan
kharidunga, phir apne aur tum sabke liye naye-naye
kapde silvaunga| Iske alaava…|”
Beta (pita ki baat beech me kaat ta hua)- “Iske
alaava papa ek car kharid lena| Hum log usme
baithkar bhikh maangne chala karenge, kyunki mai
paidal chalte-chalte thak jaata hu|”
*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*
Bar me ek aadmi ne ek kutte ke saath kadam rakha|
Bartender- “Yah gadha yaha kyu laye ho?”
Aadmi- “Andhe ho kya? Yah tumhe gadha dikhai de raha hai?”
Bartender- “Mai tumse baat nahi kar raha hu,
mai kutte se baat kar raha hu|”
*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*
Chotu- “Tumhara kutta bahut sharaarti hai|
kya tum ise thik nahi kar sakte?”
Tinku- “Yaar! Dhairya rakho| Yaad nahi, tumhe
thik karne me mujhe kitne din lage the|”
*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*
Doctor- “Tum kya tankhwa chaahti ho?”
Nurse- “Teen sau rupaye mahina|”
Doctor- “Teen sau rupaye mai anand ke saath de
sakta hu|”
Nurse- “Anand ke saath to mai chaar sau rupaye lungi|”
*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*
Santa- “Tumhare dil ki taklif ka kya
haal hai?”
Banta- “Aji, aajkal vah maayke me hai|”
*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*
Santa- “Achaa hua, mai Maharashtra me
paida na hua|”
Banta- “Wo kyu?”
Santa- “Kyuki mujhe to Marathi ka ek akshar
bhi nahi aata|”
*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*
Workshop me Deviji dheele-dhaale kapde pehankar aayi
to operator ne kaha- “Deviji, ye dheele-dhaale kapde
pehankar na aaya kijiye, machine me fas jaane ka dar hai|”
Deviji- “Janaab, agar mai tight kapde pehankar
aaungi to doosre logo ka machine me fasne ka dar hai|”
*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*
Ek Fauji officer ko kisi lambi duty par desh se
baahar bheja gaya| Jab pardesh me rehte huye bahut
din ho gaye to ek din use ek patra mila jisme likha
tha- “Chalte samay maine aapko jo photo di thi,
vah vaapas kar dijiye, mai bank manager se shaadi
karna chaahti hu|”
*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*
Santa seedi par chade hue ghar ki chat pot rahe
the| Banta vaha aaya|
Banta- “Santa, tumne brush majbooti se
pakda hua hai na?”
Santa- “Haan! Kyu?”
Banta- “Mai thodi der ke liye seedi le jaa raha hu|”
*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*
Putra- “Pitaji, kal maine teen makhiya maari
thi, jinme do maada thi aur ek nar|”
Pita- “Lekin beta, tumhe ye kaise pata chala ki
unme do maada thi aur ek nar?”
Putra- “Badi seedhi-si baat hai, ek makhi
aapki whisky ki botal par baithi thi,
baaki do aaine ke saamne mandra rahi thi|”
*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*
Seeta- “Behan, aajkal to mujhe saari raat jaagna
padta hai, kyuki mere pati beemaar hai|”
Geeta- “To koi nurse kyu nahi rakh leti?”
Seeta- “Nurse rakhi hai isliye to jaagti hu|”
*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*
Yuvak- “Kya aap mere saath dance karengi?”
Yuvti- “Mujhe khed hai, mai bache ke saath dance
nahi kar sakti|”
Yuvak- “Oh! maaf kare, mujhe aapki haalat ka
pata nahi tha|”
*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*
Pappu- “Papa, raat ko maine ek sapna dekha,
aapne mujhe das rupaye diye hai|”
Papa- “Chal aath aana jebkharch kaatkar saadhe
nau rupaye vaapas kar|”
*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*
Patni ka honth upar se thoda kat gaya| Doctor
ne dawai lagaakar taanke laga diye| Pati chupchap
dekhta raha| Phir usne Doctor ke kaan me kaha-
“Doctor saahab, dono hontho ko taanke lagaakar
seene ki aap kitni fees lenge?”
*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*
Shyaam- “Pitaji, swatantrata divas kab aata hai?”
Pita- “Jab tumhari mummy ghar me nahi hoti|”
*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*
Raat ke baarah baj chuke the| Bacha abhi tak
soya nahi tha|
Bacha- “Mummy, mujhe kahani sunao|”
Mummy- “Thodi der aur thehar beta| Abhi tere
papa aayenge aur hum dono ko ek kahani sunayenge|”
*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*
Santa- “Papa! Shaadi me kul milakar kitna
kharch hota hai?”
Pita- “Pata nahi beta, mai abhi tak chuka
raha hu|”
*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*
Mehmaan- “Tum to kehte the ki tumhare yaha
machar pareshaan nahi karte| Lekin tumhara
ghar to macharo se bhara pada hai|”
Mejbaan- “Haan! Lekin ve hame pareshaan nahi
karte| Hum unke aadi ho chuke hai|”